No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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