I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
