Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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