He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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