she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
