Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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