If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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