Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
