You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
