Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
