you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My ATM looks so different sober.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
