Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
