She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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