Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
