She announced her abortion via fbk
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
