Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
