pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
