If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the day after is always just damage control
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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