Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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