the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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