Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't deserve a penis
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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