Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think my vagina is haunted
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
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Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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