mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
