So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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