I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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