Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
