his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
