the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
