there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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