haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
