xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
