I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just want to make out with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize