after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
