After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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