just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
