i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
