im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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