There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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