did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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