he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need a beard to bite.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
