You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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