I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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