Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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