matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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