He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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