Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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