Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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