my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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