my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
