Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
