Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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