What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
