I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
