I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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