He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Life is so much better after having sex.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
