I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
