On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
