My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
