So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
