the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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