I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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