am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
