the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Less talking, more tequila
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
