He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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