Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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