I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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