I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
