Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
