They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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