flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
