I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
