So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
